out of pure boredom today
i don't know why but i was looking through my family's old things,
photo albums, diaries, old bibles with notes in it..
and i just felt quite emotional...
like so many things happened, unlike in the photos,
where everyone was smiling,
even i see my own smile when i was younger..
so filled with happiness and my eyes were like so bright as if i can't wait to grow up..
my dad teaching me how to swim when was 2,
him carrying me on his back,
hugging me and smiling...
and my mum looking so beautiful,
her holding my hands, dressing me in nice clothing,
my brothers both smiling and carrying me in their arms..
i just miss them so much
and i wish everything was like last time,
when i was young and i didn't know anything, i just loved the people who loved me.
when i didn't know that when someone is crying it doesn't mean they couldn't get a sweet.
i miss the innocence,
i miss all the promising smiles,
i miss not worrying about what tomorrow will bring,

and i miss my mummy although she is going to be back in about an hour.
i miss her fussing over me,
and talking everything under the sun to her.

ever since that incident, i always feel that my time with my mother is limited,
i know i worry too much,
but there is this nagging that is at the back of my head
that what if one day she suddenly leaves me,
will i regret not saying sorry for those times when i upset her,
when she comes back
i'll give her a big hug and tell her i love her.
when was the last time you gave your mum a hug and told her that you love her?
i don't even remember myself.
:(
feeling so emotional.
:'(
all i can say is,
you never know what will happen tomorrow.